Psychological studies have shown that mothers are natural lovers of their children, even much more than their fathers. They carry her babies for nine months before delivery. The period creates a bond between them. But then, what if a mother hates her child? What if the person the child is supposed to enjoy emotional peace from, dislikes her child?
So, why does my mother hate me?
It is impossible to count how many times the question “why does my mother hates me” have surfaced throughout history. The capturing point to note is that the people making such statements would later discover their mums loved them. In most scenarios, the mother does hate the children. It could be a result of several factors, as well.
Let’s find out the reason for the hate your mother may have for you. Keep reading to get more useful information on this topic!
Does Your Mum Hate You?
Hate is a powerful word. It implies having a strong dislike for something or someone. It is so easy for one actually to misinterpret love for hate. It is because people have different perspectives as to what showing love to someone entails.
Therefore, before anyone should conclude about the fact that their mum seemingly hates them, you should take into consideration that it may be a form of her showing love to you.
Is Tiger Parenting Excellent Or Bad?
Tiger parenting is one of the primary reasons as to why a child may misinterpret his or her mother’s love for hate. Let us consider first the definition of tiger parenting. Tiger parenting is when a parent function on a more authoritative scope than on a mutual ground in their parental responsibilities.
Now talking on the aspect of mothers. Mothers that operate on this type of parenting style come as a result of them wanting their child to do better than they did. So it may seem as though they may try to rob their child of his or her own life and try to impose their ideologies and belief on the child
It can be detrimental to child growth. Although they are probably doing it from a clean heart, the effects are generally adverse on the child’s part. Examples of this are when a mother tries to dictate what a child should study, the grades expected of her, how he or she should dress, the kind of person he or she ought to marry, and so forth.
Most at times, this is because the mother wants the child to live her “unlived” life. It means that whatever the mum was not able to accomplish in her lifetime, the child is automatically required to achieve and excel at it.
Furthermore, on the issue of tiger parenting. Although it has the positive sides to it, I believe the negatives outweigh the positives. Every mother should understand that their child is unique and peculiar in his or her way and be encouraged. It is so the child doesn’t end up misinterpreting her mother’s love for hate
The Mother As A Friend?
Also, some mistakes that lead to a child misinterpreting their mother’s love for hate. It can happen when she fails to draw the line between her role as a mother and a friend to the child. Most often, there is an imbalance as regards this in the mother-child relationship.
Some mothers may tend to act as too much of a friend to their children. It signifies that they would want to get in on every affair regarding their child’s life and continually invading their child’s space.
Studies have shown that some children with this sort of mother may tend to feel their mum hates them. You know a mother and child metaphorically can be likened to a shepherd and a sheep, respectively. Therefore, a mother is supposed to be their child’s friend. The mother is also supposed to be a guardian and protector to their child.
So when a child fails to see those shepherd attributes in their mother. They may feel their mum does not care about them or hate them. So every mum must strike a balance between her role as a mum to her child and also her role as a friend
The Reasons Your Mum Hates You
Although the instances of a mum genuinely hating their child do not occur often, they do occur, and in this section, I am going to be giving us a few reasons as to why a mother may hate their child.
Frequently, psychological studies have shown that if a woman was maltreated or hated by her parents while growing up, there is a high tendency for her to want to replicate that same character on her child. Many mothers have gone through various traumatic experiences while growing up, and this plays a significant role in how they relate to others, their children inclusive.
The Story Surrounding the Child’s Birth
Also, what can play a vital role in determining why a mother would hate her child is the story surrounding the birth of that child. Some common reasons include that it may be that you came as a result of rape, or she despises your father, and probably anytime she looks at you, she remembers those memories.
In essence, one primary criterion to look at if you are a victim of this is carefully looking at the story that surrounds your childbirth
The character of the child
It is not always about the issues the mother might be having. Sometimes, the nature of a child can contribute to the reason as to why a mother may hate a child. It could be that a mother has been advising her child and trying to correct her character and manners, and the child keeps disrespecting her. It can also lead to resentment from the mother’s side
Although this rarely happens, it still does. Sometimes too, jealousy or envy can contribute to the hatred of a child by her mother. It may be because the child has outperformed her in her looks, career achievements, or whatever the case may be. It may now lead to the mother acting up in a bid to try and destroy the drive and confidence of her daughter
How To Tackle The Issue Of Hatred From Your Mother?
There is always a reason as to why a mother would hate her child. There may be something the child is doing that she does not like. There may be memories or scars that have not entirely healed. It could also be a character defect.
Well, whatever the case may be, the best possible way to solve this problem is to talk to your mother about it. Only in a very polite way, sincerely open up to her about how you feel about her character. You should see a therapist for the best solution to this issue.
Now, after talking with her, you may be surprised to find out she does not hate you, and it’s all just a misunderstanding of views and interests. So when you communicate with her, whatever reason she gives for her character towards you, you guys can now slowly think about how you can work on it.
It may take a lot of sacrifices and processes on both ends, but it is the best option rather than cutting off communication totally with your mother. If the thought of doing this alone scares you, I would advise you to take a trustworthy second or a third party with you.
Although this is very rare if the hatred has gone beyond normal and there is a lot of physical abuse or even sexual abuse, it is advisable to maintain your distance and see a family psychologist about it. If it persists, it may be best for you to report to the authorities about it.
Tips To Make Your Mum Love You More
Also, some tips on how to be a loving child to your parents include; make sure always to appreciate your parents, you may regularly use words like “I love you” and give them hugs and kisses. Make sure to still spend quality time with them, even if you may not exactly like the activity they are doing.
Furthermore, regularly communicate your feelings with them, make sure they know about your aspirations, personality, and character even while respecting their interests too. Always make sure to overcome evil with good, show them, love, also when they make you angry.
Psychological studies show that when children tend to love their parents regardless of if they don’t even deserve it at that point, it naturally makes the parents love their children even the more
It is important to note that mothers do not hate their children. A child seldom asks, “why my mother does hate me” only as a result of misconceptions from both ends.
It, therefore, implies that before jumping into conclusion as a child, you should properly investigate the reasons backing up a judgment. If she does, then talk to her about it, and consistently check the areas both of you may need to address and amend.